re-gifted

Dream: Wedding of the Trolls

2011-02-16T09:09:00.000-08:00

I'm getting married today. Well, I'm having a wedding . The actual marriage bit hasn't been mentioned by anyone. Decorations and food have been discussed at length.

It started more than a year ago, when some of my wealthier relatives in Texas said they'd like to throw my wedding. At the time I'd agreed and even talked with them about it, but I assumed we were just speculating and didn't take the conversation seriously. My relatives, however, were in planning mode.

Now it's the day of my wedding and I'm not engaged in any respect. None of my family cares; they're too busy setting up for the reception. They've decided to have the wedding in a new event space on the ground floor of UT's Flawn Academic Center. Somewhere in the hubbub I finally run into Eli. He thinks we should just go along with the family because they seem really excited. We don't tell anyone that today we were planning on going to Carl's Jr., not getting married.

Walking around the tables I feel almost the same as I did at the prom when I was 17. Even though I didn't have a date, I had gotten curious the day of and decided to scope it out. Everyone else was so excited to be there, but I couldn't understand why. The prom was nothing stacked on top of more nothing, so I left and went to a Wilco concert. This should different though; it's supposed to be my wedding and Wilco hasn't been the same since Jeff kicked pills anyway.

That's when I see the balloons. When my relatives and I discussed it, I was vague about my "dream wedding". They kept persisting though, prodding me for more details. As I grew increasingly annoyed I started to make shit up, thinking my obvious troll answers would end the conversation. I had spoken at length about how as a New Mexican my spirit was entwined with the mighty wolf, so I couldn't have a wedding that didn't incorporate my lupine spiritual heritage. In a misguided attempt at open-mindedness, the family is currently tying hundreds of silver balloons with wolf silhouettes printed on them to every available anchor.

The reception starts without a ceremony or even mentioning whose wedding it is. Feeling both relieved and kind of offended I wander down a flight of stairs to the FAC's basement looking for Eli. A bunch of graduate students are working in a small library annex, but they scowl at me when I enter. They know I'm with the loud party that's beginning to shake their study carrels.

I walk back into the party just as another of my fake requests is rolled out: a life sized chocolate sculpture of a minotaur. A second cousin pushing the thing sees me at the back of the room and grins manically. "Look!" she seems to say. "Look how great we did! Even though you're completely weird and lame we still let you pick something, because family is important!" The dinner party starts to seethe as people get drunker and rowdier. A plate crashes. A wolf balloon bursts. The statue rocks precariously, leaving brown smudges on its dais. Feeling hot and oxygen starved I shove my way through the crowd to the bank of glass doors.

Outside it's cool and dark and quiet. Eli is perched on the edge of a concrete planter. I join him and we sit for a while smoking cigarettes and not saying much. Eventually we flick away the butts and lay back in the planter to hide from stray guests.

"Well that sucked," Eli says, "but the minotaur was pretty boss".

I agree and fall asleep in the groundcover.

Photo: rutlo

Dream: Mr. West and I

2010-11-01T12:34:00.000-07:00

I am explaining to a group of standard gross looking Albuquerque people how I know Kanye West. It's not really that interesting: we went to high school together in Silver City, though his album didn't blow up until he started at UNM. That's when he bought the giant house out by the volcanoes and the stupid car.

I leave to go meet up with my dad and my brother Asa, who are waiting for Kanye in the parking lot on Lomas and University. We're going to Austin on a short, spur of the moment trip. The whole prospect feels weird to me. I don't really know Kanye more than to say hi, but he overheard me making travel plans and invited himself along.

When he pulls up, he's driving his infamous car. It's a black Mercury Capri, to which he has added bulky gold Rococo flourishes. They're plaster and look like they came from a garden store that makes body kits. A gleaming urn with a fleur-de-lis wobbles dangerously on the roof as he fishtails to a stop.

"I bet none of y'all have ever driven a car this nice," he says, smugly readjusting his $50 sunglasses. There is nothing he loves more than the Capri, and he always assumes the world envies him for it. He did volunteer to drive though, so we agree vaguely and try to avoid the subject the rest of the trip.

In Austin we drink furiously in the wood paneled living room of my elderly aunt. We're getting ready to go see a twee indie band with an animal name. Most of our money has gone directly into the gas tank of the superheavy Mercury, so drinks at the bar are out. I call Caleb, but he doesn't want to come over just to hang out with my relatives and some dude I went to high school with. I point out that he could shoot photos of Kanye, but he remains dead set on covering an alternative energy panel discussion at UT. There have been rumors T. Boone Pickens might make an appearance. He hangs up.

We go to the show, and I'm underwhelmed. The album is better. Everyone else seems to be having a good time though. Someone blows an air horn in a fit of alternative exuberance and I wake up.

Optic Nerve Scarring Rabbit of Unemployment

2010-06-10T22:52:00.000-07:00

Coming straight at yr CNS we have this recently finished piece. It's somewhat related to scotomas in that I wanted to do something where the vibration of the color makes it uncomfortable to look at for too long.

If I ever have to write an artist statement I'm sure it'll say something annoying about testing mind altering substances on animals, neurology, the juxtaposition of mild exteriors and tumultuous, scintillating inner worlds etc.

In actuality, I just happen to like rabbits. They are very soft and have nice, recognizable silhouettes.

The stitching itself is about 7" across, and the whole thing mounted is 8"x10". Done exclusively in backstitch.

Details:

Opening: Senses Working Overtime

2010-04-30T00:30:00.000-07:00

If you want to eat some free food and ogle at art, I'm in a show that's opening tomorrow. Relevant information below,and also here's a link to the only successful Youtube Doubler I've ever been able to produce. Sorry for the repost if you've been subjected to it already on Facebook or wherever.

Anyways, show info:

Senses Working Overtime
Group Exhibition

Monday, May 3 – Friday, May 7, 2010, 5pm – 7pm
Opening Reception: Friday April 30, 2010, 5pm – 7pm

Silver Avenue Art Loft
863 Silver Avenue SW, Albuquerque, NM 87102

505.508.1705

One block west of the Flying Star at Eighth and Silver

Featuring: Lindsey Allen - Aaron Arroyo - Katie Carillo - Bree Cunningham - Brianna Kerwin - Jennifer Knapp - Elena Lopez - Adrian Martin - Colette Peavy - Vanessa Sanchez - Colby Sempek - Sara Siemers - Bonnie Stipe

Rhombus!

2010-04-20T22:08:00.000-07:00

It's embroidery time once again. First, in progress:

This one is on its way to Austin as we speak.

Here's the Great Seal pillow, which is now finished.

Then there's this one, which I didn't actually mean to have coincide with 4/20, but there you go.

Peace.

MGMT vs. Bay City Rollers, or Relative Hipness in Professional Weekend Appreciators

2010-04-09T23:11:00.000-07:00

From Wikipedia:

Temporality is a term often used in philosophy in talking about the way time is. The traditional mode of temporality is a linear procession of past, present, future. Some 20th century philosophers have made various interpretations of temporality in ways other than this linear manner; for example, the present moment emerging only from where our projected future is curled back into a past.

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y NIGHT

Electric Feel

30 years separate these acts. Think about that. Six presidents. Multiple American wars. Every single episode of Friends. And yet we're still enamored with those fucking white pants.

Oh Tower of Power , will I ever know?

Hot Off the Presses: Rotund Owl

2010-03-30T11:37:00.001-07:00

Commissioned by Kathleen, so I hope she likes it!

I'd clean out my desk, but it's a table and y'all put most of this shit on it yourselves...

2010-03-24T14:19:00.000-07:00

I've started the process of cleaning out my files at KUNM, seeing as it looks like I'm about to get unemployed pretty soon. While going through my old stories I came across this:

I listened to it, hoping it was a recording of myself cursing or one of the many corrupted audio files our software produces that sound like NPR-themed electro noise. Unfortunately, it was just a voice over for a story about concerned environmentalists.

I'm pretty ambivalent about the whole no more KUNM thing. Pretty much the only think I haven't been ambivalent about lately is Girl Scout cookies. Take that as you will.

Stuff Making Extravaganza (Part Two)

2010-03-10T11:31:00.000-08:00

And now for the NEEDLEWORK MOTHERFUCKERS.

"Piracy Sampler", a fine item of home decor to hang over your computer and keep you from having bad thoughts about copyright violation.

Details

The working titled "Great Seal of the United States of America", which will eventually be a double sided pillow.

Details

KTHXBAI

Stuff Making Extravaganza (Part One)

2010-03-09T17:12:00.000-08:00

I should probably do this slightly more often so I don't have to post a clusterfuck of images. First, the yarn things. In pseudo-chronological order:

The ridiculously long scarf made for a man we can now truly call Doctor Hoo.

A crocheted bear

A crocheted cactus that's still in progress

Stay tuned for part two.

Hey Dunnahoo!

2010-01-23T13:03:00.000-08:00

IT'S READY!

Inadvertently Alice in Wonderland-Themed Screencaps

2010-01-18T21:18:00.000-08:00

Realized I'd taken screencaps of two instances that involved Alice in Wonderland, so here it is:

First, while looking up a the song Alice by Australian artist Pogo I got this from the mongoloids over at Hype Machine.

I really do like this song of his a lot though, the kitsch notwithstanding.

And, from the land of Hulu:

I would add that there are absolutely no breasts of note in this trailer. I would understand tagspam like this elsewhere in internet video land, but a fucking Tim Burton/Disney movie? There is no reason to drive up hits for the trailer of a movie that will have an automatic cult following, even if it turns out to literally be a 20 minute home video of Helena Bonham Carter shitting on a caterpillar. And if it's a joke, then Hulu commenters are officially the most retarded people on the internet.

The third option, that it's a sincere reference to breasts in the trailer, is the most confounding of all. The only thing I can think of is that Tweedle Dum/Dee's heads look a bit like boobies.

New Moon Out Tonight

2009-11-20T13:32:00.000-08:00

Better make your allegiances known before the riot starts people.

Stuff from Joy's Class

2009-10-23T16:26:00.000-07:00

I been takin pictures. For school. Here are some.

EXTERMINATE

2009-10-13T17:44:00.000-07:00

I love this kid's Dalek face.

Via funwarehouse.co.uk

Precious Pet Paintings

2009-10-07T13:08:00.000-07:00

This lady is totally doing this aesthetic better than could ever hope to.

Seriously though, DO WANT.

Ladylike Pursuits

2009-08-31T11:18:00.000-07:00

Currently using this as an embroidery pattern. Will post when finished.

Image copyright Ohio State University Extension.

UNM Wants You to Totally Install This AWESOME Software!!!LOLOL SRSLY THOUGH

2009-08-20T11:16:00.000-07:00

Got this email recently from UNM:

"Lobo WiFi now requires all users with XP, Vista and Macintosh operating systems to log in using their UNM NetID and password. A one-time software download is required for all users to access Lobo WiFi. Visit http://it.unm.edu/nacinfo.html for general information, or contact the IT Support Center for any technical problems or issues at 277-4848."

To which my immediate visceral reaction was FUCK NO.

After calmly reading some literature about the so-called Network Access Control system I have concluded that FUCK NO is just about right.

Sure it's for security. Sure they're probably not going to use it to do anything fucked up. Just look at what they have access to once the other features are rolled out though.

A proprietary NAC gets to tell me which software is acceptable for me to have installed. An "Emergency Broadcast System" will sit primed for campus wide Goatse-ing. And from Nortel, who designed all this:

"Ignition LiveView — Monitors user sessions across your network resources in real time, based on identity."

IT swears they will not be spying on you, but apparently this is just because they are nice people, not because they won't have the ability.

Oh, but if you have an iPhone, well, who gives a fuck!!! Party on!

Texas History (minus the massacres, plus the barbeque)

2009-07-27T09:44:00.000-07:00

My dad's best friend, Monty Newton, has written a really interesting series of emails to virtualubbock.

If you want to read some good stories about Texas music and BBQ icon Stubbs (including a picture of him and Little Pete), the Lubbock Lights, and the West Texas music scene in the 70's, check it out.

UNM Re-Accreditation Mania

2009-07-13T08:50:00.000-07:00

If you're up for some light reading between the lines, then check out the "Advancement Section" of UNM's new re-accreditation report. Hidden in the jargon and hedging statements are such sage recommendations as:

-Go hang out at Chick-fil-A with the little people, because no one is reading your fucking blog.

-Put black people on your pamphlets! It will make them feel wanted!

-There is actually a disincentive to be a good educator at UNM.

-Tying messages to the backs of rats with bits of twine does not count as university email.

-You can totally get out of doing any of this due to Tough Economic Times.

Might I also add refraining from spending any more money on this?

Discriminatory Housing Practices

2009-06-28T16:47:00.000-07:00

I was looking for a new place to live today, when I happened across this listing:

"WHAT?!?"

Can't a goo dog ever catch a break?

Google, we need to talk.

2009-06-15T09:21:00.000-07:00

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Even Wal-Mart pays its artists you motherfuckers. This shit is insulting.

Grizzly Bear vs. Mother Cougar vs. Grizzly Bear

2009-06-05T01:45:00.001-07:00

Was looking up Grizzly Bear on Youtube to confirm that I hate them. Honestly I couldn't remember.

As it turns out, I do hate them. HOWEVER, in "Related Videos" was this little number:

Whatever that was, it was way more awesome than some asshole moaning listlessly.

Algorithm Blues

2009-06-03T11:17:00.000-07:00

Microsoft recently released their new search engine Bing, but I didn't play with it until today. Eli told me it was good for shopping, but pretty mediocre otherwise. I decided I'd pull up Google too and do a side by side, so I typed in the first word that popped into my head: monkey.

Google's first search suggestion? Monkey Joe's, a Northeastern kid's birthday party franchise a la Chuck E. Cheese.

Bing, on the other hand, thought my monkey interest was much more macabre.

It decided that I was obviously interested in reading a BBC story from 2007 about the Deputy Mayor of Delhi dying from injuries he sustained while trying to fight off a horde of attacking Rhesus Macaques.

Thanks Bing! Because of you, I decided to look up Rhesus Macaques on Wikipedia! Now, not only do I know about them killing an Indian political official, I'm also aware that there are marauding bands of them in the FUCKING UNITED STATES.

Photo: J.M. Garg .

ALL FORMS OF HUMOR ARE DEAD

2009-05-28T13:22:00.001-07:00

Why? Because the New York Times is publishing shit like this AS REAL HONEST TO GOD NEWS. WHY DOES THE ONION EVEN EXIST ANYMORE?

Best quote in this has to be from Donna Eichner, concerned mother:

She added: "I hug people I’m close to. But now you’re hugging people you don’t even know. Hugging used to mean something.”

Semi-Annual Life Event Flickr Upload

2009-05-27T22:46:00.000-07:00

Photographic highlights from the past few months. More on the ol' Flickr stream.

Van Dyke's

2009-05-12T20:17:00.000-07:00

What do you think of when you see this thing? Creepy? Haunting? Inscrutable?

What about exciting?

I have yet to find a page of Van Dyke's Taxidermy that is not completely fucking insane.

This cements my belief that taxidermy has a 1:1 crazy/awesome ratio.

Hey mister, which button dispenses the lipgloss?

2009-05-12T10:27:00.001-07:00

Oh my god Dell, suck a dick.

More Decorations for My Ghoulish Mansion

2009-04-23T10:03:00.000-07:00

Two of them. Rampant. On either side of a painting of myself sitting in a gilt Rococo armchair.

[via Gizmodo]

Blog Header of the Day: universoplástico

2009-04-06T22:00:00.000-07:00

Is this my only reward for a barely functional command of Spanish? Is this all I'm allowed to understand?

" universoplástico

blog totalmente en español dedicado a explorar el universo del muñeco ken,el de sus amigos plásticos y en algunas ocasiones el de Barbie."

[Link]

For the Sake of Clarification

2009-04-02T10:48:00.000-07:00

And today's best sentence on Wikipedia is...

"Schrödinger did not wish to promote the idea of dead-and-alive cats as a serious possibility..."

But oh if he had!

[Link]

Wonderful... wonderful

2009-03-29T00:18:00.000-07:00

Lawrence Welk Tray acquired. Andrew Berry, America salutes you.

That just leaves you, three other people reading this blog. Just so you know, your assignment has changed:

I'm counting on you. Make it so.

Suggested Birthday Present

2009-02-28T22:51:00.001-08:00

If you really loved me Internet, you'd find me this set of Lawrence Welk trays. The walls of my home will be forever naked without them.

They were auctioned off in 2005, but I'm sure whoever bought them is probably close to death now and you could go hit up the estate sale.

Writing a paper on Voltaire, but all I can think about is

2009-02-27T17:54:00.000-08:00

EazyEazyEazyEazyEazyEazy
EazyEazyEazyEazyEazyEazy
EazyEazyEazyEazyEazyEazy
EazyEazy
EazyEazy
EazyEazyEazyEazyEazyEazy
EazyEazyEazyEazyEazyEazy
EazyEazyEazyEazyEazyEazy
EazyEazy
EazyEazy
EazyEazyEazyEazyEazyEazy
EazyEazyEazyEazyEazyEazy
EazyEazyEazyEazyEazyEazy

If you only ever use twitter once...

2009-02-18T09:36:00.001-08:00

Then please, I beg of you, use it to follow the guys from The Pirate Bay while they stand trial for "facilitating copyright infringement" or whatever. Shit's fucking hilarious. Apparently they feel they're on the verge of epic win.

Stay strong, you wonderful Swedes.

Monstrawesomety? Coolrific?

2009-02-13T11:02:00.001-08:00

DT Weekend Feb 12 Cover, originally uploaded by heavyweather.

What is the appropriate word for what one feels after discovering one's best friend and one's ex-roomate humping on the cover of a widely circulated weekend newspaper? How does one give props while simultaneous clawing out ones own eyes? I don't know, but I assume the Germans do.

Mad props Caleb. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go lobotomize myself so I don't have to imagine you having sex any more.

New Lifetime Goal

2009-02-12T10:44:00.000-08:00

MUST WORK AT THIS COMPANY. Moving to Philippines immediately.

Yab Design

Drunk Nerd Interlude

2009-02-10T22:08:00.000-08:00

WHO'S BEEN DRINKING IN HERE?

Not me sir.

LIKE FUCK YOU HAVEN'T. LIAR. SCOUNDREL.

Sir, I think you need to calm down.

I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I AM A VERY PROMINENT HARRY POTTER FANFICTION WRITER. I AM INCREBIBLY POPULAR IN CERTAIN CIRCLES. YOU CAN'T TREAT ME THIS WAY, ROUGE!

Sir, I haven't treated you in any "way".

LEVICORPUS!

I assure you sir, that won't work here.

BLAST, ARE WE IN SOME SORT OF MAGICAL DEAD ZONE???

Yeah. Yeah, that.

HOHOHOHOHO

2009-02-03T19:32:00.001-08:00

Silver City Recycles, originally uploaded by fortuneless_cookie.

Theory: This used to be a turkey.

If I knew you were coming...

2009-01-29T11:04:00.000-08:00

Assignment 1: Intermediate Photo

Excerpt From Obama's Inagural Address

2009-01-20T10:42:00.001-08:00

"We are a nation of people who live in the sunshine, but at times we must also walk in the darkness. Is it not the right of every man, woman, and child to feel safe in the streets of their town? America I say to you, I will not cower in fear of the vampire menace that has besieged us! I will not bow to the legion of undead! My daughters will not be impregnated with half-vampire children, conceived not for life, but only to gnaw their way to freedom and take wing into the night!

This is a truly great nation, a nation that has done so many amazing things. We're not done yet though. It's time to move this country forward. And if we can provide health insurance for every person, if we can harness new technologies to ease our dependence on foreign oil, then we can destroy these unholy beasts!

Say it with me now: Yes we can."

-January 20th, 2009

.us

2009-01-01T15:20:00.001-08:00

So I'm thinking about registering a domain name and putting together a real site. Problem is, adrianmartin.com is taken. So are .net and .org. These aren't real sites of course, they're just bought up and have placeholders on them.

Having no money, I'm probably not going to be able to buy the domain off anyone, so I've been trying to think of an alternate. Nothing really sounds right though.

If I were a one-medium artist it'd be much easier: adrianmartindisturbingbabydollsculptures.net or adrianmartincrochetmonstrosities.org. However, I keep changing my shit around, so I need something more all purpose. Thus, I started thinking about alternate TLDs. Namely, the previously off-limits .us.

I'm American. I have a pretty serious predilection for making POTUS themed artwork. Why not go with a jinogistic TLD? Still, don't frequent many .us sites, so I thought I should check them out and see what I'm getting into.

The official .us directory requires you to sign in, so I began randomly typing in word+ .us combinations. And there was FUCK NOTHING. Cars.us, blogs.us, art.us, babies.us, you name it. They're all placeholders. America.us is a fucking placeholder! The official site where you register .us domains has an ad featuring a woman who uses lynnwoo.us as her personal site. Lynn Woo, however, is a lie. Needless to say, my desire to register lynnwoo.us and make it unspeakably offensive is very great.

I stoped at this point and reevaluated my name searching. Instead of generic words like cars and babies, I thought up things that are highly America specific. Of course, the first thing that came to mind was:

"What's more American than Rambo?" I say to myself.

Apparently, I am not the first- nor the most American-person to have this thought. I give you rambo.us, a wonderland of patriotism and good old American canine anthropomorphism. It is the motherfucking pure, distilled essence of .us.

I have still not decided if this has influenced my domain name choice one way or the other.

As a side note, one of the only other domains I managed to find that was attached to a genuine site was jihad.us. It redirects to Mine Direct, which sells loose gemstones. Other than some of the stones originating in the Middle East, there doesn't seem to be any obvious connection to holy war at all. Is this a brilliant advertising strategy to sell peridot to radical Islamists? Is the guy's name Jihad? I am summarily confused.

2009-01-01T13:01:00.000-08:00

Incredibly Unattractive Photographs of Myself

2008-12-31T00:45:00.000-08:00

I have uggo tendencies:

Happy New Year, you atheist bastards. I made you an octopus doll. You will just have to share.

In honor of my traveling to Los Angeles to audition for College Jeopardy:

2008-12-02T09:08:00.000-08:00

Art Show Fun Time Blog Post

2008-12-01T13:53:00.000-08:00

Come buy my art.

lolwut?

2008-11-12T16:23:00.000-08:00

Couple of pieces from my digital photo class. Class makes me want to shoot myself in the face a little, but I enjoyed making these monstrosities.

The original idea was to do self portraits that related to different plagues of the internet (truthers, potheads, bad website and ad design). At some point, however, it devolved into propaganda style images of patriotic dogs. And pseudo-nudity.

2008-10-21T19:47:00.000-07:00

Voted today. The ornery one-legged polling official swirled back and forth in his power chair like a ballroom dancer while telling us he'd kick out anyone who talked politics in line. He almost backed over two different women as he swerved in erratic circles. He takes his job very seriously.

There is a severe shortage of "I voted" stickers here in New Mexico.

To all my hoes:

2008-10-11T14:58:00.000-07:00

Soul destroying election coverage

2008-08-22T14:43:00.000-07:00

Working in an office provides me with ample MSPaint time.

Portrait of the Artist as a Young Gremlin

2008-08-20T00:27:00.000-07:00

Answer: Die in a fire, you miserable prick.

Fortification Scotomas (If You're Nasty)

2008-03-06T11:27:00.000-08:00

The eye things have come back. Not with avengeance, but enough.

Balls.

Ketchup! Get it, "ketchup"? Oh for fuck's sake, never mind.

2008-02-29T10:29:00.000-08:00

This morning, while you were eating breakfast, I was having another existential crisis.

Now it's 11:30, and I'm hungry AND meaningless.

So, in response to the question you didn't ask, that's why you're ahead of me.

Don't let it go to your head though. You're still stupid and ugly.

And not funny.

2008-02-06T17:40:00.000-08:00

Today I was walking west along Central when this chollo in a gray Camry speeds by. He's leaning out the window, and he yells at me:

"LUNCH!"

Which, personally, I thought was odd.

Although is was close to lunchtime.
And it was $5 Wednesday at the Souper Salad! across the street.

So yeah.

2007-10-05T18:58:00.000-07:00

So I was outside the SUB, right after this lame story I didn't want to do anyway had thankfully gone bust, and I was rummaging though my bag looking for my cigarettes and fishing for my lighter. And I'm down in my bag for a while because I can't find the damn lighter and then finally I find it without cutting myself on the broken glass that's somewhere in the bottom of my bag that I picked up at ACL in an effort to be nice and ecologically minded. So I look up and somehow I've been surrounded by Mennonites. They're all wearing matching outfits and carrying just boxes of Bibles and they're mapping out a strategy. And here I am in my rock music clothes with my cigarettes and my liberal media. It was unnerving.

2007-07-15T22:59:00.000-07:00

Some things I need to remember, but not too badly that the world would end if I didn't:

-The name Postmaster Hanke
-The guy who kept obsessively rubbing his hands together as he drove down Montgomery
-To decrease the number of your mom jokes I make per day

In other news:

2007-07-13T19:48:00.000-07:00

Data entry makes me crazy. Bad monitors make me crazy. Offices make me crazy. Conflicting schedules make me crazy. Missed phone calls make me crazy. Constantly working makes me crazy. No new music makes me crazy. Not making art makes me crazy.

You might do well do disregard things I say to you when any of the aforementioned situations apply.

I'd just skim the big text, personally.

2007-07-13T14:40:00.000-07:00

THERE IS NO SOLUTION.
THERE IS NO SOLUTION.
THERE IS NO SOLUTION.
THERE IS NO SOLUTION.

Nope. Not a one.

I don't know when precisely it was that I lost the taste for arguing. I think it might have had something to do with my UT "amorality" phase. It used to keep me from going absolutely nuts, but I stopped being so gungho about it when I eliminated some of the general insanity from Texas. Honestly, at UT I only really used concious amorality as an excuse to screw around and drink a lot and attempt to ruin the lives of people I had never met. I guess a lot of people did though. They just didn't always name it like I did.

That one professor refered to it as "situational ethics" after I wrote about it, but she was lame and mugged a lot and drove me nuts. She only brought it up to make sure I was wrong as much as possible. Most teachers do it. No fault. In my mind though, to the average person having no morals is the same as picking which ones to follow dependent upon the current state of affairs. So that woman can go fuck herself.

It's just not vital to have my non-morals keep me company anymore. I don't need to self-preseve like I did. I sleep more than an hour a night, I've stopped contemplating shaving my head, I do way fewer drugs, I eat at least once a day. I don't spend 15 hours a day chastising five year-olds, defending my mind from Texan invaders, or building fake boats. I don't spend the rest of the day thinking about people to convince, people to catch up with, people to provide me with chemicals.

They still exist, my non-morals. I guess I just stopped thinking about them when they became innate. I don't think about anything really. I just can't deal with it. THINKING leads to the kind of existance I had previously. THINKING leads to desicion-making. THINKING leads to a level of fake certainty that ruins your life, makes it unbearable because every option has been exhausted via thought experiment.

tl;dr: here's a flowchart.

THINKING------------>
SPEAKING--------------->
ARGUING -------------------->
MORE THINKING--------------->
ILLUSION OF CERTAINTY---------->

EITHER:

a. BEING AN ASSHOLE EVERYONE HATES
b. BEING AN ASSHOLE EVERYONE LOVES
c. BEING A "CONTROVERSIAL" ASSHOLE

AND/OR:

BEING HOPELESSLY STUCK IN A SITUATION BECAUSE YOU CAN'T ESCAPE YOUR OWN BRILLIANTLY CORRECT BRAIN

PLUS:

ILL-CONCEIVED APPLICATIONS OF PHYSICS CONCEPTS TO PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY

In conclusion, I miss my friends, and I'm no longer sure if I don't miss being a crazy, terrible person people liked.

antirealization

2007-07-02T18:20:00.000-07:00

i am no longer the person i was in high school.

well, minus the whole personality thing.

fuck, actually i guess maybe i am. i was hoping not though.